Merzlikins details PTSD-like symptoms in wake of teammate's death.

Last year the hockey world was hit with the shocking news that 24 year old Columbus Blue Jackets goaltender Matiss Kivlenieks had died in a horrific fireworks accident. We would later learn that Kivlenieks had died a hero, absorbing a blast from a malfunctioning fireworks display that would have otherwise struck Blue Jackets goaltender Elvis Merzlikins and his wife, who was pregnant with their unborn child at the time.

It was a terrible experience for all of those involved but you can easily see why Merzlikins in particular could struggle to deal with the emotions that would come as a result of this incident. The guilt he must have felt, the gratitude for his friend who gave his life to save his wife and unborn child, and following the conclusion of the season last week Merzlikins finally opened up about just how much the incident impacted him throughout the season.

In heartbreaking comments made over the weekend Merzlikins detailed how things got especially difficult for him around the holidays, not only due to the fact that Kivlenieks was no longer there but also due to the fact that there would be fireworks surround certain festivities at that time of the year.

"The before Christmas period, I wasn’t here," admitted Merzlikins. "I wasn’t here mentally because I felt that Christmas was coming closer and Matiss was always with us on Christmas and the New Year. Then I heard the fireworks. I remember we played on the first and I asked Lars. I couldn’t even talk. I knew in my head that I couldn’t play that game, because there was gonna be fireworks and if I heard them, it’s gonna be a problem. I remember I walked to Manny and just started crying. I couldn’t even express myself."

Although he would never himself describe the symptoms as post traumatic stress disorder in his comments, it certainly sounds like Merzlikins may have been experiencing some form of PTSD or PTSD-like symptoms as a result of the trauma he suffered as a witness to this horrible tragedy. What makes this all the more sad is that even the infamous Columbus Blue Jackets cannon, usually a sound of celebration for the Blue Jackets, proved to be a difficult challenge for Merzlikins this season.

"We all know what happened to him," said Merzlikins. "When I heard the cannon, my heart – I felt my heart. I never heard in my life my heart beating that alive."

Thankfully the sound of the cannon blast is something that, over time, Merzlikins was eventually able to overcome but the fact that he had to deal with it at all this season is simply terrible. I suspect that, even though he's doing better now, it will be something that unfortunately will stay with him for a very long time.

"I was always closing my eyes and getting myself ready," admitted Merzlikins. "I think that’s just the trauma, but it went away. Obviously, now when I hear the cannon, I’m happy. But that was the feeling I had in the start of the season"